I have no idea what turns him on. I thought he was just being very respectful now I realize sex is not a big deal for him. In fact, the refrain I keep hearing -- or sometimes overhearing when they're talking to friends -- is that I'm "like a dude when it comes to sex. It's a horrible place to be when your partner doesn't want to have anything to do with you sexually and when you do end up sleeping together it seems like more of a chore on their end just to shut you up. The problem is that not only is it not enough sex for me, [but] it makes me feel abnormal for wanting more sex. I felt ashamed for wanting much more sex than my husband, and when my attempts to excite him with lingerie and high heels failed, I felt ugly and worthless. We should still have a decent sexual drive.
Since that time, I have been in approximately six serious relationships. I guess to some guys a plate of food on the table when they get home is just as sexy and satisfying as a blowjob. It seems the husband is past his prime and rather watch TV no matter what I do to entice him. After expressing this problem for many years with no change I feel like it is just a dead end!! You can't say men have a higher drive, or women do. My boyfriend and I have been going to a sex therapist for about five months now and nothing has changed with our intimacy. At the end of the day I know that sex is a big part of what I want in a relationship because physical touch is huge for me in all aspects of the word. I'm beginning to think that I will never find a partner whose sex drive is equal to mine. In my case if I don't initiate it, nothing is going to happen. We present their stories below not to blame men or women for these issues, but to showcase that sexual frequency is an issue for partners regardless of gender, age or marital status. From age 25 to 65, single, in relationships and married, women wrote to us about how they have struggled -- or are still struggling -- with the fact that they want sex more than their partners, often much, much more. There is no pornography issue, he's only had three sexual partners in his life, he's fantastic at sex, says I'm very satisfying -- but he only needs to be satisfied once a month. To put the only stereotype of the frigid female to rest -- and to shed light on the dissatisfaction a lot of women feel in their sexual relationships -- we put out a call for stories from women who had been physically involved with a partner who didn't share their sex drive. The problem is that not only is it not enough sex for me, [but] it makes me feel abnormal for wanting more sex. He fielded TONS of calls from people, men and women, who found themselves in similar situations where one partner wants more sex than the other. He claimed that porn did nothing for him and that he only masturbated about once a month. The emails poured in. There's so much variance among both sexes. And that's with begging. I actually waited during the first year of marriage to see if he would ever go for it. In every one of them, my sex drive was higher than my partner's. Some people want more sex than other people. I was lucky if we had sex twice a week and then when we went long distance because I was promoted out of state, during our monthly visits we maybe had sex once. It kills me to know that sometimes the man of my dreams feels "forced" to have sex with me when he'd rather go to bed just to avoid a fight. I would say we have sex maybe 3 times a year. It varies widely from person to person regardless of sex. But even that doesn't occur without a reminder.
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